Mafia Gazette Past Issue 24
14th September, 2005 'CHICAGO: A CITY UNDER SIEGE' By: Thisbe Another couple of days and now we see another city under lockdown. Rumours are flying around that Chicago is the latest target of the group, Shadow Soldiers. After their much-publicised control of Miami, it is reported that they now wish to add a second city to their 'collection'. Reasons for such a move are relatively weak but as the leader of the Shadow Warriors, Relapsed, put it: "I am doing this because, well, I want to and I can" People have been suggesting that he just wishes to emulate the fame of The Gunmen Of The Apocalypse, however, whilst they killed anyone stepping foot inside 'their city', this group are accepting payoffs to allow them to stay there alongside them. Those who do not meet these demands will be used as, and I quote, "Target practice". He has promised that Chicago will be his last city, but who understands the mind of a madman - for that is clearly what he is - can we trust him when he says that? I sure as hell don't but hey, I’m just a reporter. Time will tell as to whether he will stick to this promise. 'VEGAS MUGGERS BEWARE ' Anyone contemplating mugging in Las Vegas has been warned that anyone caught will be dealt with severely, and probably terminally. The reputation of the city of lights has been brought into question following a spate of muggings of the gamblers visiting the casinos. Randle_McMurphy came to the streets today to proclaim Las Vegas a mugging-free zone and stated, “Anyone seen performing a mugging will be hunted down and shot like a stray dog.” He continued by saying that he was not banning mugging completely, but any muggers caught would be dealt with severely. Several other members of the community have given their backing to the scheme, including Gregoire_De_Fronsac and Whitey_Bulger. It is hoped that this scheme will bring a reduction to the amount of thefts happening within the city of Vegas, although a rise in death toll is expected for a short period. 'DEPUTY EDITOR DEAD ' Deputy Editor of the Gazette, Rhiannon, died earlier today in tragic circumstances. She was shot during a kleptomaniac phase that she was undergoing treatment for at St MoneyZeb’s. Doctors at the institution believed that the episodes had ceased, but it would appear that they were mistaken, and L8teRz shot Rhiannon when he found her stealing his wallet. Rhiannon left a daughter who will be taking up her mother’s position on the newspaper. 'ARE THE MYSTERY MEN DISBANDING? ' The newspaper has received information that the Mystery Men, scourge of Detroit may not be roaming the streets of that city for much longer. There has been little activity from the gang in Detroit for some time and this may be set to continue. Sources are quoted as saying that the leader of the Mystery Men has gone to ground following some unpleasantness, although the full details are unknown. What is known however is that there has been very little in the way of action either from or on behalf of the Mystery Men either in the streets, or in their usual hang-out of the Graveyard. The community are now wondering if we have seen an end to the Mystery Men and their rule over Detroit. No member of the Detroit gang could be found to give a statement to the press at the time of writing this article. 'R-E-S-P-E-C-T....LEARN WHAT THE HELL IT MEANS' By Trixie What’s the deal folks? I went to 3 separate funerals today and saw nothing but "grave pissing" And Spitting... What is wrong with you? You call yourself Mobsters and yet the simplest thing to grasp, respect is completely lost on you. Oh, someone killed your friend, Boo hoo. Shoot em, and then move on. Don’t like em? Don’t go to their funeral. I'm so sick of watching people who I admire and, oh no here’s that word again, RESPECT, constantly trash talk the dead. HERES A SHOCKER PEOPLE...They are dead, they can’t hear what you have to say! Sure, there’s a chance their family may catch wind, or that their offspring is there...But all you are accomplishing, is making yourself look like an ass. 'WHY NOT TO KILL' By: RobertPlant We all have people we hate but the way to sort it isn’t by getting rid of them, for the obvious reason they will come back bearing a bigger grudge. They will seek revenge, which will be on your grave this time instead. Think: is it that big of a problem? Can we talk this through like the adults we are? Well the answer hopefully is yes. To kill will end someone’s life. One falling out doesn’t deserve to be that way. It will be too late to apologise, then you will end up regretting such a violent act. Death is already at an average of 70 deaths every 24 hours which you shouldn’t be included in: no-one should. just take your time to look over consequences. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie … Franko’s family still have a chip on their shoulder and it’s getting a bit mouldy and stale now… … Beggars in the streets have been heckled by the respectable ladies of the community who don’t want to see hookers on street corners. … Relapsed is still plotting in his den. Next step Chicago; tomorrow- The World! … Hitman Inc have a nasty habit of not paying their debts. Come on boys. If you’re going to offer a reward, at least pay up! 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to Tallulah at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Are you looking for a few laughs and maybe some Semi Attractive men? Come on down to Finding Neverland Bar, and have a free drink, and maybe some French toast…On us! Visit us at the address below…. We’ll be waiting for you. http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=1067 TALLULAH’S SPEAKEASY CLUB AND BAR, CHICAGO Come to Chicago and sample the delights of our club and bar. The bar is open all day every day for drinks, food and entertainment. Come on in, sit on our comfy sofas, or for privacy, use one of our specially soundproofed booths. Waitress service throughout and a wide range of beers, spirits and mixers on offer. All the best booze from the black market straight to your glass, all at reasonable prices. If you’re hungry, why not stop in and have a delicious home cooked meal. The club can be found by entering the bookshop on 4th street at the following address: http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=84 POSITIONS VACANT St.MoneyZeb's for the Mentally Infirm are currently recruiting! Please apply in writing to Dr. Lexicon MFI. GHD. BSE. quoting job reference, clearly stating qualifications, experience and sadistic leanings. SECURITY PERSONNEL Required for main wards, high security wing and, most importantly, drug storage facility Job Ref: APES007 NURSING STAFF Required for general ward duties. Must be good with mentalists, not mind being licked, willing to work inhumane hours for even more inhumane pay. Job Ref: MASOCHIST022 CLEANERS Required for general duty. Will involve dribble removal and considerable window cleaning duties. Job Ref: DROOL666 Closing date for applications: 17 September. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'REFERENCES''' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=32 Browse • • • • • • •